I've always liked to plan the future. Planning and scheduling, in general, has always been one of my favorite ways to spend my time. When I was little, I planned my near and distant and imaginary future in great detail, and drew tables and diagrams for preciseness. I drew the layout of my own room which I knew I would never get; I wrote a very precise schedule of my university classes and extracurricular activities before I even finished elementary school; I planned how many kids I would have when I grow up (the number varied between 6 and 11), and how many kids my brothers and sisters and cousins would have (much less, but still a lot), and how we would all visit each other every day and our kids would play together. I drew all my (and their) kids and gave them all names and ages. I charted the layout of my future house, every single room and utility closet, and planned its location so that it would be convenient to take our two future dogs to a nearby park and do groceries on our way. Among all this planning, I'm not sure I ever knew how to live in the moment, even when I was a kid.
It seems that now is the time to learn that important skill. I would like to still plan the future. But the future is unknown. More unknown, it seems, than when I was 8 years old (back then it seemed all pretty clear and straightforward). By "future" I mean here life after July 2013. And by "unknown" I mean that not only do we not know how many kids/dogs/cars we're going to have when we grow up. I mean that we have no idea whatsoever where on earth we're going to be (literally), where/whether we're going to do our immigration #4, what (variety of the English?) language will be spoken around us, and what will our occupations be there. And almost none of it is under our control.
What better time to start learning how to live in the moment? But all I want to do now is draw the layout of my own room that I know I will never get.
Thank god Koopa doesn't know all that. And he's not that good at drawing tables and charts yet, either.
See, I am the opposite extream. I could never ( and cannot now) plan anything at all. I am afraid of the realistic future, afraid that if I plan anything -it will surely not happen. So I live the instant - but I am so hanging in between, floating in the air - it kicks me off, gives me the impression of the unlimited space - that I am dreaming of some sort of stability. I am dying to learn to plan. So, long live the golden mean!
ReplyDeletePlanning is my way to escape the reality. Non-planning is your way to do the same. The key is to stay present in the moment while *fully accepting* and taking in whatever may be there, including any uncertainties about the present and the future. But that's too scary sometimes.
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